I understand that not everyone who followed me before wants to hear about my thoughts and feelings on adoption. I originally thought this was the best place to share my thoughts but I had forgotten how many people had me in their Google Readers. With as sensitive as adoption is to me and my husband I figured it was time to recreate a blog just for the purpose of our adoption story. I want people to chose to read my posts because they are interested in the subject matter not because it's in their reader. So if you're interested (which i am guessing you're probably not) but if you are check me out at http://journeytorockandroll.tumblr.com/

Today is a better day

Today is a better day as I found 3 new adoption blogs to add to my Google reader. Today, I am not feeling so alone.

http://chinaadoptiontalk.blogspot.com/
http://adoptiontruth-casjoh.blogspot.com/
http://www.firstmotherforum.com/

I felt sad

I was lucky to be able to host a friends baby shower this weekend. It was beautiful, the guests were great and the momma to be seemed happier than ever. I was doing great with the shower until my husband invited a few people over for dinner that night. Every female at that dinner was pregnant, one of them was on her 2nd pregnancy. For what felt like hours, I listened to conversations about what it was like, how it felt, what to expect at the birth, how the kids were going to grow up together.... the list never ended. Just normal conversations that one would have during the term of the pregnancy. I usually do great in these situations. I've faced the fact, we can't have children however, I still felt quiet and sad. I am not sure if it was because I was the stand alone case or because there was really that much pregnancy talk but regardless, I felt sad. Not in a way that I wanted them to stop talking, because listening to their excitement is inspiring and I am truely happy for all of them, but more in away that I think is human and expected. That night, I laid in bed and couldn't sleep as my emotions were having a terrible fight.On one side I was trying to convince myself that I was better than those feelings, those feelings that make me look week and vulnerable. But the other side was that I was sad and I couldn't help those feelings. After a long drawn out inner struggle, I finally was able to fall asleep. The resolution? I had to tell myself that I was what I was and I couldn't help my feelings plus, I was snuggling with the most amazing husband and pup that a girl could ever ask for.

Blog subscriptions

2 years ago I had subscriptions to over 100 wedding blogs.Boy oh boy does life change it 2 years. Here’s my most recent blog roll up including 68 subscriptions in my google reader:

23 wedding blogs

17 friend blogs (all with different categories but most importantly these blogs REALLY mean something to me)

9 DIY House Décor type subscriptions

5 daily fashion blogs

5 pretty photography blogs

3 post wedding blogs, you know about relationships and what not

2 dog/animal subscriptions

2 health and wellness blogs

1 social media dorky nerd alert blog

1 sorority blog (you guys what if I ever have daughters?)

And upping the list to 69 subscriptions I am adding one of my most interesting and heart wrenching reads on infertility and adoption grant writing. If it’s up your ally, you should check it out. http://www.aninfertileblonde.com/

my life

10 years ago I was a senior high school student with no clear direction on where I wanted my life to be. I was afraid post college I'd never see my high school friends again and was worried about setting myself up to be cool at my new school, whichever one it would be. I worried about how I looked and acted in front of others. I cried about stupid things that I can’t even remember now but ten years ago it was those very things that made me.  I was excited for college but scared about it too. I desperately wanted to escape living with my parents so I could be an individual, so I could make my own decisions and so that I could be me. It was a scary year but a great year.

5 years ago I was a right out of college. I was living in a state that I knew no one in except for my boyfriend of a year. I was no longer surrounded by my peers and felt as if I had been thrown into a lion cage of new experiences, some scarier than others. I asked myself questions like “is he the one” and “how am I going to pay to get home for the holidays.” I worried every day about getting a job after college, I didn’t care what it was as long as it was a job. Calls with my friends went from daily to weekly and Thursday night TV night with the girls no longer existed. I attended a super bowl that year, went on vacation with my grade school pen pal and attended one of my college friends’ weddings. It was a scary year but a great year.

Today, I still talk to high school friends but am equally as gratefully for my college friends, 18 weddings later. I’m living in my birth state and living less than an hour from my family with my husband. I don’t worry about having a job any more, but instead I worry about having the right job and professionally I ask myself every day “is this really my career.” The independent me that I thought I wanted 10 years ago isn’t so much who I am any more. The worries and concerns I’ve had before seem not so existent anymore. I want to make decisions with my husband and spend time with my family and friends. Worries now aren’t individual worries at all but rather “where will we have Christmas this year” or “when can we afford to have kids?” It’s that second question that has pushed me back into this blog. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, but I am really not sure where this blog is going to lead me. I just know for now, my focus and worries are in a question that is very much out of my control and having a spot to share that with and for myself seems to make sense right now.

With that said, I guess you could say, I’m back.

Good Bye

I am random - Fact
I can't keep my blogs focused - Fact
I've deleted/deactivated 3 Facebook accounts and one twitter account in the past 2 months - Fact
I've already deleted one blog - Fact
My life is a jumble or as the husband would call it a cluster F*** - Fact

I am leaving this blog for now - Fact
I have now joined Tumblr (where I think hope my randomness will be more widely excepted) - Fact
You can now find me here - Fact

Minne may still make Minne Monday appearances from time to time well because I don't want my new Tumblr friends thinking I am obsessed with my dog (even though I am). So farewell, adios, Maanak parov, ciao, Orevwar, vi ses senare, chuu or however else you say good bye.

Butler - Sunday Edition

Only in Indiana, love it

Minne Monday

Minne is sad that Purdue didn't make it to the Sweet Sixteen nor the elite 8 (again).

However, she's stoaked to be a dog and to have a mom that provides her with a basketball team that she can watch into April. Go Dawgs.

PS anyone know where I can get Butler fabric for a dawgs kind of blanket? I'm getting desperate. May have to do one side all navy and the other side with a bulldawg fabric?

Minne is going to hate me

Just received a forward email with dog photos. I am pretty sure I have a new dress up idea for Minne. 

I don't know where this photo came from, but if you do please let me know so I can give it proper credit.

Minne Monday Part 2

After I ran away, I was punished by some sort of allergic reaction. Not sure what did it, maybe my medicine or perhaps the bug I was playing with in my mouth bit me? Not really sure. But I do know one thing, I was super glad I was at home and not wondering the streets. Without mom and dad I am not sure what I would have done.

As you can see, my entire face started swelling. I started wheezing and mom and dad took me to the animal hospital. Once we got there, they gave me shots and I had to sit there to make sure the swelling went down. They say most dogs react within 30 minutes, it took me almost 2 hours. We had to wait in the lobby, I was miserable, I didn't even want to get up to beg for a treat or smell the other smells.

Mom and dad sat with me all night. And the best part? I got to sleep in the bed again (after the previous night fiasco, I was punished to sleeping in my own bed). #winning

Minne Monday

Last week was a bad week for me... it started like this

Where Have I Been?

Well, are you wondering? Here goes:

• I've been paying a ton of money to Uncle Sam (damn taxes)
• I've been chasing my 17lbs Boston Terrier all over the town I live in
• I've been nursing my Boston Terrier to health
• I've been working insane hours at the United Center for set up and tear down of the NCAA rounds 2 & 3 of the tourney
• I've been trying to enjoy watching my beloved Bulldogs
• Still training for that crazy half marathon (what was I thinking)

Hopefully, after tear down tonight, I will have a little bit more free time to elaborate with plenty of photos to come. Until then I leave you with this (behind the scenes of where I work). Enjoy.

Shit List

Hey Uncle Sam,

You're officially on my shit list.

Christmas Follow?

Check out who's following me on Twitter!

If that doesn't make you smile, I don't know what will.

Cranium Fun

Cranium Fun.... Guess what this is, ready set go

30 seconds left...

Prepping to Dance

Breaking News

Well not really.. but in case you missed it...

Selection Sunday: Office Edition

I thought today would be a good day to point out a few items from my Annex Cubicle. Here goes:

• A The C-Money sign comes from a previous nick name I had when my last name used to (maiden name people) contain something that sounded like "Bank". Some where came out C-Money-in-da-Bank. The guys at work thought it was funny (mostly stupid though).

• B That's my "It's Bulldog Tourney Time" printable sign from last year's winning season. Below it is my "Go Dawgs, Final Four Back Home To Indy" 2011 printable sign, and to the right of it is the Indy Star, Nike Published "I AM A DOG." Love love love it because, well I will forever be a dog.

• C My favorite Banana Republic 3 quarter sleeve rain coat. Bring on the spring showers!

• D the Butler Men's Basketball schedule (which will become a place holder until next seasons schedule is published)

• E Matt Howard - NCAA Division I Academic All-American of the Year - booyah
• 
  
• F As the only girl sitting in the Annex, I recently felt the need for some privacy. I took an old Kill Bill promo sign and created a wall. As no other girls come back to the Annex, it is a "Girl Only" zone. Side note, I have charged the men in my department with taking this wall and creating saloon doors. Too radical for the work place? nahhh

Oops I almost forgot my favorite work accessory, I mean who doesn't love the light sabers?!

Working 12+ hour Days

After working multiple 12+ hours multiple days in a row and your office is called the Annex (and it's under ground), the need to see the outside world grows stronger and stronger. At least mine is anyway.

Meet my little window. So far, it looks like nothing is happening and it's kind of gloomy. I feel a tincy bit better about working inside all day.

PS Yup it's selection Sunday and I am working, this window really does make me feel better about life.

Cutest Baby Ever

I am probably going to be saying this a lot over the next few months as the baby boomage of 2011 has begun but seriously... isn't this dollbaby a cutie pie?

Her parents met working for a baseball team, which is where I also worked at the time. I had to get the little one this onesie the second I knew they were expecting. Less than a week after she was born, I received a special message with this photo. I couldn't be more happy for their families.

Baby Disclaimer

It will be posts like the one I'm about to post, the ones that will forever leave me feeling bitter sweet. I don't know if I've touched on this in the past but the hubs and I cannot have kids. This would be fine if we didn't want them but we want them, we want a lot of them, actually at one point we both had said 10.

When I was younger the though of giving birth grossed me out but as I grow older and see life differently, I think of it more and more as a miracle. Which I guess happens to all woman at some point in their lives but the timing of this all for me right now has been a little but of a struggle.

In the past month we've had 2 members from our bridal party add to their families and one announce that they are expecting. The first births of our closest friends is really exciting. On the other end of the spectrum we've had 2 different couples from our bridal party trying for quite some time now and they keep falling short. All of this news makes me incredibly happy and sad all at the same time. I feel for the couples who are struggling but am equally emotional towards the others.

My mindset is and continues to be that everything happens for a reason. If you're a believer in God or not, it's thinking about life like that which can help get you through those hard days. At least fro me anyway. And to that point...

Why you should read your mans Maxim

2 Reasons why every gal should read her man’s Maxim.

Get Fit – Have you seen the woman they feature in Maxim? If that doesn’t make you want to take the fast lane to the gym, I’m not sure what will. Even just opening some of the photos while I’m treadmill running, I feel the urge to want to go faster and further

Be in the know – sometimes my husband tries to do sweet things that just doesn’t normally seem like him. I’ve been a little suspicious about why he’s doing these things (perhaps guilt?) but really, the Maxim told him to do them. After reading last month’s issue, I feel like I know my husband better. I know why we had the conversations we did and why he did some of the things he did. AND because he marked some of the pages, I also know what is on his holiday (birthday, Christmas, random gifts of kindness) wish lists.

Now go get your reading on....

Jon Bon Jovi

The last two nights I was stuck at work (and I mean that in a good way) for 12+ hours. The positive side of this? Jon Bon Jovi was involved.

I had never been to a Jovi concert and I never fully understood the screaming and crying women or how he could come to the same city multiple times in a year and sell out venues with seating capacities of over 17,000. After a Tuesday and Wednesday night performance, all I can say is I get it.

PS I've been living on a prayer all week, maybe it's time for some bad medicine? What evs, it's my life anyway. Oh and while I'm on a roll, blogger friends, I'll be there for you....

Butler.... Winning

via this guy

enough said

negative one for hubs

After the husband had my car for the weekend, I noticed something wrong.

And now I have something on my husband.

So 3 years ago

I walked into Forever 21 the other day and spotted something I loved. In fact, so much, I already owned it. I think I purchased it about 3 years ago (if my Facebook dates are correct).

On the rack:

On me in 2008:

and in 2009:

shout out to girlfriend & sorority sister blogger friend on your left and another on your right. Love you girlies!

So now the questions is, did they love the dress so much they brought it back? Or was it rejected by everyone (except for me), so they threw it in storage and after the rough economy they decided to pull it out and try to sell it again?

I mean it's identical down to the stule number and all. However, I can't confirm prices. Thoughts?

Me and a bull at the home of the Bulls?

Me and a bull at the home of the Chicago Bulls? Classic right?

things to point out

• I'm freezing (pardon if I don't look myself)
• People travel all over the world 365 days a year to take photos next to this MJ Statue (that I walk by at least 2 times a day)
• The "United Center" sign is visible in this photo (if the statue doesn't mark location, this does)
• this is a real (not a fake) bull
• he, the Bull, is really is sporting Super Man gear
• this is where I work and this is what I do

I hope you think this is as cool as I do.

Bon Jovi at the UC

Oh look, Bon Jovi's stuff arrived to the UC and it's sitting right outside my office.

But wait... who's Skippy?

Chicago Traffic

Want to know why Chicago traffic sucks?



Maybe because semis like this guy decide to pull  u-turns in the middle of rush hour. This lasted for 45 minutes. I kid you not.

Minne Monday

Buddy came to visit. The two pups had the best day ever, chewing on each other and rolling around in the mud. Puppy Buddy only had one accident in the house and he didn't eat anything he wasn't supposed to. All and all, it seemed like a pretty rad doggy weekend.

Husband stayed home to baby sit (and get quality time with his little nephew). I think this was his favorite part...

Sleeping puppies

Chillin with the dogs...

Pups in between hubs' legs.



Minne

Minne's been spending a lot of time in the yard eating rabbit poop. I told her if she didn't behave I was going to trade her in for Hook 'Em...

...the cutest, sweetest bull I have ever met in my life.

I haven't seen her eat poop in 2 days. It's either because she's terrified of my threat, or my husband has picked it all up.

I'm hoping I scared her, although it's doubtful. Neither of them take me very seriously. I wonder why?

Getting Ready for Work

Guess who's coming to the United Center? If you guessed the Pro Bull Riders association, you're right.

So what does one wear to see the PBR? This...

Ok ok, so I am not a teenager who takes photos of myself often in our bathroom. But here's a little better shot...

PBR Chicago Notes:
Facts, figures, news and numbers for this weekend's bull riding in the Windy City http://bit.ly/eyL3c8 #PBR

Bring on the workish kind of weekend.

Cousin Buddy is Coming

Right now, Minne is anxiously awaiting for the arrival of her cousin Buddy.
She's already had her bath

And she pulled out all of her toys, so that Buddy could find them easier. 2x (I've already picked them up this morning)

Now only a few more hours of staring out the window waiting for Buddy.

Stephen Tyler and the Pink Ruffle Shirt

While flipping through TV last night, I noticed Stephen Tyler was wearing a pink ruffle shirt on American Idol.

I also noticed that I wore the same (or pretty darn close to it) shirt while working the Gaga Concert. See...

PS the blonde cutie to my right (your left) is my baby sister... well not so baby anymore

I guess... Nice Work?

It's Friday oh and It's March

Wait it's Friday?

Oh and it's March?

Where the H-E-Double hockey sticks have I been and what happened to February?

Blackhawks, Bulls, Blackhawks, Bulls, Kid Rock and then Monday happened...

Spotted, Gaga and her security outside the refreshment concessions - little boozers

Then Tuesday I was tired. Wednesday there were those Blackhawks again and yesterday I was tired.

But Happy 147th Birthday to Chicago.

Guess What This Is

Can you guess what this is?

The little 8 year old who gave me one of these called it a gia pet... not sure if that's a hint or not

Minne Monday

It's my bed, I might as well use a pillow right?

xoxo
Minne

PS mom told me I had to start sleeping in another room, we'll see how that goes...

Date Night

The hubs and I received a very nice gift the other day, that's right, we got time to have a date. The first date night of 2011.

So what if it was a Wednesday or the fact that the date took place at my place of work. We got to "sit on the ice" and it was awesome. Here's a sneak peak of all our fun.



Oh and if you look hard you may spot my new hair. Thoughts?

Angry Friday

On my drive into work this morning I watched a man walking with a cane across the street get hit by the car in front of me. We were both turning left and when the light turned green, I'm guessing the guy in front of me didn't see the old man with a cane. He ran into the man with the front and center of the hood of his car, he wasn't going that fast but the man still plopped onto and off the car, rolled off onto the street where he bounced again.

I called for help (all the emergency vehicles) while all the other witnesses left... really people? What is wrong with you? There's an old man on road, bleeding above his eyes who can't get up but you're too busy to stay to make sure he's taken care of it? Maybe it's because I was near the city? or maybe it's because that's just how humans here now a days.

Regardless, I'm feeling angry at the world today.

Identity Crisis

Yikes did I tell you guys I died my hair?

I'm a sure thing!

I'm a "Shore" thing! Well that's what my husband told me any way (insert love sigh here)

The Pop Queens Review

PS I've wanted this for awhile. Go ahead, judgement starts now...

Vday from a friend

Love my friends, especially this one. Thanks Jess

My Husband and the Vday

My husband treats Vday like it's some kind of war operation. He honestly feels like he should treat every day like it's Valentine's day and the day itself should be like any other day. So the fact that I received this email from him early this morning well, it makes me smile.

Really, he's being sentimental here people. See only a few months ago we went to visit the city of brotherly love and we got to see the actual Love Statue and he loved it (pun intended). I think it's as close as we're going to get to acknowledging  feelings and what is today.

Thank you Google.

Minne Monday

Happy Valentines day and hello awkward moment

"Not sure what's worse, the snow, the ice or this sweater" - Minne

Goose Island - 312

Time out, look who is using my photo!!!!

See that 312 image?  I took that as my husband shoveled. That's how he kept his beer cold during Blizzardmania a week ago today. Go me and my photography skills (go ahead and laugh - hahaha).

1 Week Anniversary

One week ago from today Chicago shut down. Honestly, the entire city shut down. Besides working from home I was able to spend some bonding time shoveling with the hubs and capturing some of these photos. Enjoy!

The ones at the end are the hubs 6ft high 7 ft wide fort. I'm serious. He was so proud.  

Happy 1 week anniversary Snomageddon or whatever it was we were calling you back then. For Minne snow video action check out this link.



Panic Attack - How do people do it

I thought this year was going to be awesome, now that we bought a house. You know, more weekend girls trips, some baseball games maybe a few concerts and a quality summer not working or looking for houses with the hubs.

Yikes! I was super wrong. I am currently putting together budgets for the next year for things I want to do and things we are doing. 

• We are in 3 out of town weddings which means 3 weddings x2 (flights and hotels + all the bridal stuff + gifts), 3 showers, 3 BPs. In addition I am in another wedding but it's local but hotels will still be needed and the BP is in Vegas. 
• We also have friends having babies and some travel is needed for baptisms.
• We also decided to run a half marathon which recommends a few trial races (smaller ones working up the big one) x2 again. 
• We also have a laundry list of things that have to get purchased for the house this summer (we've already cut the want list out all together)

The things above are have to do things, and I do not mean to write that in a negative way at all. I love weddings, in fact I may even be in love with them, believe me I wouldn't miss them oh well unless I had something just terrible happen (which has happened twice in my life). However great they are the fact is they are still expensive.

 Additional want to dos that are currently off the list unless I win the lottery

• join friends on their yearly trip to Vegas for March Madness (we say we'll do it every year but something always comes up)
• A trip to Seattle (to have good fish and to check the Mariner stadium off our baseball tour list)
• 525 girls weekend in Florida
• join friends for a 30th Birthday surprise (in Vegas...I'm beginning to think my life would be less expensive if I lived in Vegas)
• A trip to Philly where we can actually watch the Phillies play - more for the hubs
• A trip to Utah to ski and do the Olympic Bobsled (this has been a number 1 priority for the hubs since the winter Olympics...maybe next year?)
• Attend some other sporting events - specific to the baseball tour
• visit my grandmother to see Wicked
• Our 1 year anniversary trip we said we'd take.... a year ago....

Now I know people who do it all and maybe they can do it all but the question is how? Do you put it all on credit? Do you ask other people to pay for it? Do you barter services on Craigs List? Some one tell me how you do it because to be honest, I want to do everything on this list. I will barter, I will barter down to every last item in my closest, I will even go as far as giving up my ovaries - see I'm for real. Let's make it happen people. 

Side note: we are also saving to visit my bestie in Germany and then to adopt kids...how do you save while doing all the above? Answer that and I'll make you some Monster Cookies from Jess's recipe. 

Minne Monday

There's not enough blankets in the world to warm me up after Blizzardmania.

Recap:

Minne and the Blizzardmania

Tuesday night was just terrible. The winds were so bad it felt like I was living in the house from Wizard of Oz. Along with things like our pilot light going out, we had a dog who refused to go outside to the bathroom. Instead, she opted to sleep all of Tuesday evening into early afternoon Wednesday.

At that point we could tell she really had to go to the bathroom. She was pacing and making some whiny noises, so we decided we had to make her go out.

Attempt 1 didn't go so well.

Attempt 2 (about an hour later) went a little better, although you can see my hand pushing her out the door. We're still not sure that she went.

Finally we got her to go out for less than 5 seconds to do her business (no video, but come on do you really want to see that?).

Storms can be very traumatic on animals

She followed it up with another 5 hours of sleep while the hubs and I shoveled. More photos to come.

Blizzardmania

Snow!

 I live in the Midwest, scratch that I live in the Chicago land area. Let's be real here, this city was made for snow, half our budgets get poured into snow and ice removal. Snow days are far and in between. 11 inches of snow, work is still on, 2 feet of snow over a 2-3 day period, work is still on.

snow in Wheaton

However, in the instance that we do get this so called "'Life-threatening’ blizzard" (you know the one where we have rapid accumulation in a short stint of time with a punch of winds) I received this email from my boss.

Lets keep an eye on the weather, if the we get what its expected overnight Tuesday, I don’t want any of you in on Wednesday. There are a few folks closer to the building that can muster in if needed.  We will most likely have an EQ* tomorrow to get people out before the weather hits hard.

*EQ is our office terminology for Early Quit

the one and only snow day from when I lived in Minnesota

Due to my early am dentist appointment tomorrow combined with tomorrow's EQ, I've been privileges with the chance to work from home. So tonight, I'm going to put together my survival kit and then prep for the best 2 snow day ever. Here's what I am thinking

• a corncob pipe, a button and some coal for the best snowman ever (I wasn't prepared in Minnesota)
• a shovel and some buckets to turn our kids playset in the yard into a winter fort (Minne's gonna be stoaked)
• Catch up on thank you cards (I'm so behind) and help Minne work on her Valentine's
• Maybe some baking
• hot cocoa, wood in the fire place me cuddled on the sofa with a good book in hand
• perhaps a sled ride with the hubs - we'll see if he gets all his shoveling done first ;)

 the one and only snow day from when I lived in Minnesota

If you were to have a snow day, what would you do?

PS I bet Minne is going to be most excited.