I felt sad

I was lucky to be able to host a friends baby shower this weekend. It was beautiful, the guests were great and the momma to be seemed happier than ever. I was doing great with the shower until my husband invited a few people over for dinner that night. Every female at that dinner was pregnant, one of them was on her 2nd pregnancy. For what felt like hours, I listened to conversations about what it was like, how it felt, what to expect at the birth, how the kids were going to grow up together.... the list never ended. Just normal conversations that one would have during the term of the pregnancy. I usually do great in these situations. I've faced the fact, we can't have children however, I still felt quiet and sad. I am not sure if it was because I was the stand alone case or because there was really that much pregnancy talk but regardless, I felt sad. Not in a way that I wanted them to stop talking, because listening to their excitement is inspiring and I am truely happy for all of them, but more in away that I think is human and expected. That night, I laid in bed and couldn't sleep as my emotions were having a terrible fight.On one side I was trying to convince myself that I was better than those feelings, those feelings that make me look week and vulnerable. But the other side was that I was sad and I couldn't help those feelings. After a long drawn out inner struggle, I finally was able to fall asleep. The resolution? I had to tell myself that I was what I was and I couldn't help my feelings plus, I was snuggling with the most amazing husband and pup that a girl could ever ask for.